I feel like hell today. Not physically, mentally. This morning I attempted to will myself through the depression. It hasn’t worked, but I haven’t given up. Yesterday I went and picked up a table saw, a miter saw, and a sander from my ex. This morning I set up my work area in my garage. I moved all of my other tools from my back porch into my garage. I spent most of the morning watching how to videos and figuring out my new miter saw. I wanted to smile and enjoy all of it, but I don’t. That pretty much sums it up to me that my depression really is a brain issue. Something I’ve of course known all along, but it’s been so long since I’ve attempted a project I want to do that I think I half convinced myself that I would do this and the depression would miraculously dissipate and and fly off into oblivion leaving me forever. But my damn brain is broken and just “doing things I enjoy” isn’t going to correct my mental health. However, I am still going to keep trying until March 8th, 2020. So I am going plant window shopping with a friend today and discuss logo design for my project (which I will share when it comes to fruition). I am hoping being out and about with a positive friend will motivate me to do the one thing I haven’t been able to push myself to do… I need to sell all the extra shit in my garage that I don’t want. I’d really like to just donate all of it, but I need the money to fund my project. So I have to post the items and face people who might want to buy my crap. That is so hard for me. Way harder than it should be and I know if the depression and anxiety weren’t there I could do it with ease. That makes me so angry! Just fix yourself brain! DAMN IT!!!
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