Consistency is not my Forte

I am accepting consistency is not my forte. In the past my inner voice would have told me what a worthless failure I am. I know my patterns now and how I beat myself into a downward spiral of self hatred. It only took me 44 1/2 years and 2 grown children hating me for me to get it! Yesterday I visited a girlfriend, one I appreciate beyond measure. She let me talk and talk and talk. We discussed the entire path of my life, beginning when I was 8 years old and my eye doctor touched my butt (he touched my butt every time I saw him, twice a year until I was 15 and moved to a different city). We talked about all the ugly things and some of the beautiful things of my life. Things I have discussed with therapists many times, but for some reason this time it all clicked for me and I understood how I got to where I am and why I am the way I am. And maybe, just maybe I finally feel strong enough to free myself. Maybe, just maybe, I finally know deep in my heart that I am not worthless (at least for today).

2 thoughts on “Consistency is not my Forte

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s