I don’t. I don’t feel sorry for myself. My life’s not great, but it isn’t bad. I have a lot to be thankful for, but that doesn’t make the urge to die any less. Is this how celebrities who complete suicide feel?  I was reading comments on an article today; an article discussing Robin Williams and his son’s grief. A woman commented how hurt she was over her sister completing suicide and how she couldn’t believe her sister had done that to her. I’m still not sure exactly how that made me feel, a bit sad, a bit angry, and a slew of other emotions. One of my son’s close friends passed away this month, on May 7th. She was 12. When I think about that I feel like a piece of shit selfish asshole mother fucker. But I still feel like I want to die. As a matter of fact I really don’t think I have ever been this close. I see why people pop random pills. I see why people don’t leave a note. I wish we were technologically capable of doing full body transplants and I could leave someone my physical health. But I think I’ve mentioned that in the past. It would be nice to be able to donate my organs, but not necessary. Ah hell. At some point I’ll quit writing about it and just do it.

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