I want to go back to bed. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I don’t want to die. Suicide is not in my thoughts, but I surely do wish I would cease to exist. I am trying, but it’s not working. My brain will not cooperate with me. Just be fucking normal for an extended amount of time! Just be fucking normal! At least normal enough to get by. At least normal enough to not have these intrusive thoughts of not wanting to exist invade my mind.
I’m sitting here in tears and I fucking hate it. I have an interview this afternoon for a job I thought I would like, but now I’m questioning if I can do it. My brain is so very broken and so very angry. I keep trying. I know I was doing so well. I know there is still hope, I just have to tap back into it. Maybe be a little kinder to myself again. That voice has gotten loud again. The voice of my exes, and my family. I now realize. I am so angry and right now I’m not able to let go of that anger and all of the hurt from life in general.