Breathe and you will get through

Yesterday was a good day. I was busy all day, in a good way. Made it to the gym in the morning, saw my therapist, then took my son to the gym in the afternoon. And in the evening I didn’t even freak out when our little dog pooped on the floor. A section of our fence blew down last week during a windstorm. I fixed it with a tarp, but the tarp keeps getting blown down (even though I nailed it to the rickety fence), but because of this I have to close the dog door some times so our little dog doesn’t run off. If we lost her my son would be devastated and I can’t have that, so a little accident in the house I can handle.

Today I am having another glitch, so I have to write so that I can function (not sure why I am using the word -so- so many times, but it’s okay. My writing doesn’t need to compare to anyone else’s. Especially when I am in a state such as this. My mind is racing and I am having difficulty focusing so (there it is again) writing my jumbled jumpy thoughts is my best outlet to get me focused and moving.  I am heading to the gym soon, but I have not been able to decide if I should change at home or once I get to the gym. Silly, yes, but also my reality in this moment. My older son woke me up this morning needing to use my printer. He usually gets himself off to school as he leaves early in the morning. But he was cranky because the printer was printing incorrectly so I woke up to an irritated kid. Then I tried to wake the younger one up so he could go to school an hour early for basketball practice. I couldn’t get him to wake up. Once he got up (too late to go to practice) he was in good spirits, but wishing he had woken up. Hopefully tomorrow we will be able to get him going. It would be good for him and I think increase his happiness and confidence. Next I look at our whiteboard calendar and realize I forgot the older son had a wisdom teeth removal consult scheduled in 30 minutes!!! I texted him and told him to walk out of class and just get there and I would meet him there as soon as I got the little one to school. So I get the little one to school and rush to meet the older one who is now even more irritated because he had to sit and wait. And the longer his appointment takes the more annoyed he is. I love that kid with all my everything, but annoyed teenagers are great, aren’t they? We made it through the appointment and I am home now briefly. Ate a salad and took my supplements. I want nothing more than to crawl into my bed and pull the covers over my head.

As I write this I realize how small and normal all of these things are, but a year ago and before I would have been in tears and telling myself what a worthless piece of shit failure I am. THIS is progress! THIS is the new me continuing to emerge! Now I am going to go change and take my butt to the gym. I’ve got 3 boys competing to see who is going to be in the best shape by summer. You’d better believe it’s going to be this momma!


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