Moving Forward

The happiness continues to grow. That mean/cruel/insensitive voice in my head continues to be virtually non-existent. It is still such a strange feeling, to be able to talk to others and not be constantly criticizing every single little detail about myself. I am still tired. my energy is still not what I would like it to be, (but the Epstein Barr virus plays a large role in that). Each day I am taking a little better care of myself than the day before, eating a few more vegetables, drinking a little more water. I even scheduled dentist appointments for all my boys and the eye doctor for the two younger ones!

I still have a long way to go, but that’s okay. I had lunch with my mother yesterday. She told me something, after she made me promise I wouldn’t get upset. She told me my ex had come to her house the night before asking her for money. Then she told me she said no!!! This is huge! I was so very proud of her. I was proud of her for saying no and proud of her for telling me. This has been a cycle over the years and a cause of a lot of stress between the two of us.

While being proud of her I was also sad. Sad for my ex. I had been hoping he had figured things out for himself over these past 7 months. That he had gotten his shit together and stopped gambling. That he had grown up and figured out it’s wrong to go to your 74 year old ex-mother in law and ask her for money. I guess I still hold some resentment there…

Ah well, I’ll figure it out somehow. Just trying to have patience and not start hating myself again.

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