Tonight I sat contemplating suicide once again. I have made my final decision. I have weighed the pros and cons. I have taken an analytical and rational approach in order to feel secure in this. It is time. There is no reason left for me to be on this earth. I cannot hurt any longer. My son is coming home from college next weekend. I want to spend one last weekend with my 3 boys. Then I am buying a one way ticket to Hawaii. I am going to bring my dad’s ashes with me there as it was his wish they be spread there. I am going to get a nice hotel for a few days. On the final night of my stay I will complete suicide.
I am at peace with this decision. I want to write everyday until that time. I don’t want my daughter or her dad at my funeral (if there is one). I don’t want my sister there or my aunt and her daughter and I don’t want my ex there (my youngest son’s father).
I am looking forward to the end.