Better Call Saul – Chuck

I am Chuck. How do I even explain that? Chuck, he is intelligent. He is sometimes completely competent. People like him and worry about him. He is defensive and manipulative. He is scared. He is crazy and in the end he completes suicide.

He tried to be “normal”. He tried over and over again to be normal. He thought he could fight it, but in the end his mental illness won. It in no way means he was weak. Our system is not set up to help the majority of people with mental illness. Our society is set to help those with mild issues and those who respond to the medications we have available. You have more chance of being “cured” if you are wealthy, but that is still not a guarantee.

If you can go into appointments and meetings and appear “normal” then he can function and all of his behaviors, actions, and reactions are his own fault. In society’s eyes he is capable of controlling them.

For much of the show I disliked Chuck. Another privileged white male playing the woe is me card. Then he completed suicide and that’s when I realized he was me. The world will never understand nor care and that is okay. It isn’t anyone’s job to fix me or anyone else. It just feels good to be able to begin to accept myself and not beat myself up quite as much for not being able to cure myself as of yet. I am beating myself up a little less over my blog posts and how crazy I think I sound going from one extreme to the next. One posts stating I’m healed or on my way to recovery, the next I’m close to suicide.

Damn I wish I were normal!


One thought on “Better Call Saul – Chuck

  1. Glad you’re being kind to yourself; proud of how far you’ve come! Keep believing and have faith taking one day at a time…


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