Well… Almost a year has passed. It is about a month and a half until the one year date. I’ve done a lot this year, in some ways. Not much has changed though. I think I may follow through, but make it look like an accident so it scars my kids just a little less than having a mom who completed suicide would. It sounds horrible doesn’t it? But I can’t stand this pain any longer. I’m not a good mother. I can’t hold down a job. I’m too damaged to meet someone and fall in love. I shouldn’t fucking exist. I really shouldn’t fucking exist.
I am going to start planning now. I was hoping Peru would have been the answer. I was hoping something would have worked along the way. Ah well. There are more than enough people on this planet. Only 4 people will actually be affected by me not being here. I wish I could just do it today and have it be over with. I don’t want to be here any longer.