Later today I will post my journal writings from Peru. While in the Amazon we had limited electricity and I had no internet or cell phone service. I decided to journal the old fashioned way and basically wrote myself a book! The jungle was wonderful and horrible at the same time! I am not tough and yet I am! I was terrified of the giant spiders and was overwhelmed by all the bugs. The diet was rough and unappetizing until they added salt, sugar, and oil back into the food on our final week. Ayahuasca is as brutal and loving. She took me to hell then wrapped her loving arms around me and told me it would all be okay. She changed my perspective in life and on death. The suicidal ideation is gone. I will never contemplate it again. I am ready to live the rest of this lifetime!
I have been home almost 2 weeks now. It has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I called the police on my SO and he went to jail for a night. The kids all blame me. He called me a whore and a bitch in front of the kids. And the next day my oldest son called me a fucking bitch more than once. The day before my SO sent me texts my daughter had sent him, with her calling me an asshole. The old me would have believed all of them. The old me would have broken down and apologized for something that wasn’t my fault, but the new me, the Phoenix, is standing strong.