Went to a little festival today, with the SO and the kids. It is 3 buildings of items for sale. Capitalism at its finest. All that our society is anymore. I thought here would be activities for the kids, but there were none. Just people trying to sell their stuff, to make a living, to survive. That is all we are. No matter where you go. “Buy my stuff. Buy my stuff” so they can eat and buy stuff. It all makes no sense to me. Our entire system.
I started feeling ill while we were out. Actually I began feeling ill about 3 days ago. My vision was going blurry and that is always a sign I am about to have an flare up. But ignored it and today I barely have energy to stand. So I lay here doing nothing. Playing on my phone and my iPad while I tell myself what a horrible loser I am. A worthless mother whose children are right. Tired and hopeless.
The SO was very nice today. I was happy we were getting along. It was one of those times where I thought -this is why I am with him-. He is not a horrible person, just not the one for me.
I need to begin packing. 2 days left. Today is shot. That leaves me tomorrow and Tuesday. I am getting up soon to maybe not hate myself for the rest of the day.