I am the other me today. She is brave and gets shit done. She has no patience and can come off as a bitch, but people also like her because she isn’t shy and insipid. She is me and I love her. It is not a split personality thing. I am aware of myself when I am this way and that way. She smiles at people and makes small talk. I look down and always feel less than. I like her more and wish she was in charge all of the time. I wish the insipid shy me no longer existed, but she does need someone to keep her in check. She believes we should have chosen to go to Pulculpa and we should dive in and be afraid of nothing. She thinks we made the wrong decision in going the safe route to the Ayahuasca foundation. But I was able to convince her to be hopeful that this will be right and if we need to go back we will go to Pulculpa and do the full immersion without all the luxuries.
Now we have all of her energy within me and sitting is not working well. But I am so very tired. It is a mess inside me right now.