I feel like I have been sick since the beginning of the new year. I have been over the flu for about a week now. I feel like it took an irreversible toll on my body. I began taking Wellbutrin 4 days ago and then I took Celexa yesterday. I don’t believe my body cared for either one. I now have multiple cold sores on my lips. I feel like I have a sty in my right eye. I am sweaty and cold at the same time. My teeth and my jaw hurt. My sinuses are stuffed and achy and I am beyond fatigued. I took Acyclovir for the first time this evening. I hope it helps fight the EBV. My naturopath was right, I need to get the EBV under control before I can focus on the depression. I saw a horrible doctor on Monday who told me to try positive thinking! I called and switched to a female doctor (I will never see another male doctor in this lifetime), but that appointment isn’t until the 20th.
I do think Peru is my only answer. I have done the research and when I think about it it feels right. I just have to make sure it is viable financially because I do believe it is worth it. If I can get my health back and find myself then maybe I can find my success. Maybe.
Tomorrow I will go back to eating a healthy diet. I will do a liquid fruit and veggie fast for 3 days. and if that goes well I will continue. I will attempt to work on my nutritionist certification during this time. I will decide on Peru (which I really think I need to do) and I won’t give up, because this afternoon when I was driving to the store to exchange my son’s shampoo I had the thought, “If I had a gun it would be so easy to pull the trigger.” I hate when I feel that way. I almost emailed my therapist. I scare myself when I feel that way, but it is an easy way to feel when you believe you are worthless. I don’t want to be what I am anymore.