I have officially decided (at least for now) that I am going to be strong and no matter how fucked up it gets in my head I will keep going for my little man. I know soon he will be a teenager and he won’t need me the same, but I think he will always need me differently than his older siblings. At least I am going to tell myself that from here on out. I may be a complete and utter failure, but my kid still needs me.

I need to stay off of Facebook. It only reminds me I have no friends and no life and what a failure I am. I wish I didn’t exist, but I do exist. I may have nothing and be nothing. I may be lonely, lazy, and stupid, but my kids do need me to not complete suicide. and who knows maybe there is some hope for me somehow. Probably not, but maybe.

I truly never thought this would be my life, but once again it doesn’t matter. It is exactly what it is and I have to find it in myself to find a way to change it and stop comparing myself to everyone else and what they have that I don’t.