I am not going to Peru. I am not going anywhere. I am nothing. A true failure. A mentally ill fuck up who needs to stop being a burden.

The realtor came today. There is no hope of any extra money upon selling the house. We will be lucky to make enough to pay off the 2nd mortgage and roofing loan.

I guess it is time to come up with a new plan. I just want these next 6 months with my boys. I just want them to think everything is okay.

Why am I such a failure? Why can’t I just live myself and have energy? Believe in myself enough to get a job and hold it and tolerate it? Why do I think I deserve anything more? I am a moron!