I want to be one. More than anything. I play the fantasy over and over in my mind and I begin to think I can do it. I can make myself be a success story. Let me just start. And I have again and again. And I have failed again and again. I hope the ayahuasca is the answer. I hope this journey is truly life changing. I hope someday I reread this and I am a different person and I think back to who I am now and I have nothing but love for this me, but I feel complete in myself and there is no more of this hopelessness that is so deeply ingrained in all that I currently am. I hope I am enlightened and confident and healthy and living the life I have always dreamed of. Please let this be my panacea!