I am going on 2, 3, maybe 4 weeks of crying at least once everyday. It began at least as early as the week of Thanksgiving. I joined an Empath group on Facebook a few days ago. I always wondered if I was one, but I also have always doubted myself. I was reading a post and the replies and I thought, oh my god! That’s me!
The emotions. I cannot handle them much longer. They are too overwhelming. I began to wonder what it is like for someone who has “normal” emotions. What is it like for them when a loved one passes on? My dad passed in 2009. Last year was the first year I could talk about it and if I think about it too much I break down. My daughters ex-boyfriend passed away in a tragic work accident last week. Each time I think of it my heart aches and my stomach ties itself in knots and it is hard to keep myself from breaking down into wracking sobs. I think of what he must have gone through. The moment. The thoughts. The ache of loss. I know many people feel these normal stages of grief, and maybe everyone is like this and I don’t know it, but when I talk to others and see others they are able to handle grief and still function. I think that is my big difference I can’t function. Emotions overwhelm me so often that I can’t function and I can’t reel them in.
I have to go away. I have to try these last efforts. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I won’t. I cannot. This truly is my last ditch effort.