I am in pain and it makes me tired. I want to deny it, but it isn’t going away and I don’t think I can handle it much longer. I want to Be enlightened now. I want the journey, but if I am too broke to live and to heal myself how is it even possible? I need this physical pain to be gone. I need the EBV to be fought and I need the depression to be vanquished. But I need money and I don’t have the energy to make money. I don’t have a man like my sister does who takes care of the bills and me. I have a man who gives his money to the casino while we have no food in the fridge. I attempt to push myself, but I have been unable. Do I utilize the resources I do have while I am waiting?