Watching 32 Pills: My Sister’s Suicide a documentary.

I spent a lot of time at work listening to talks and documentaries on suicide. I found a website which actually showed real life suicides. It made my heart hurt. It all makes my heart hurt. My crazy makes my heart hurt. I wonder if this blog will be my journal for when I’m gone. If someone will read it and try to figure me out from it. What will they think? Will I get so bad that I do follow through? I just want someone to understand. Is that too much to ask? Or am I just not looking hard enough to find it?