I am. Sometimes that realization hits me out of the blue. Sometimes I forget, when I’m out doing normal things. I think I blend in. I am of no consequence to anyone out there. My crazy does not matter because it affects no one but those in direct contact with me. But also my crazy does not matter because not a one of us truly matters. I may need to start going to some type of church. I understand now why my mother goes. None of us matters, therefore we all matter. What humanity is is not what it is to be, but it is what it is and it won’t change significantly in my lifetime. Just let others be happy, but we can’t in this world. But the world has not changed the foundation of what it is from my childhood, my teen years, my twenties, and my thirties. Perhaps the key to happiness is to be self absorbed and not worry about the worlds problems. To see the beauty and positivity even in the darkest of places. Perhaps the key is to let go as Buddha did. I need to rid myself of fear and believe in myself. Remember the young woman I once was and combine her with the woman I am now.