All I ever wanted was to have a big family. To have why others had, but I didn’t. I fucked it up. I suck as a mother. I should have killed my self when my youngest was a baby. I shouldn’t be here now. I don’t want to wait until August. I don’t want to start over somewhere else. Nothing will change. I’ll still be the fucked up disaster that I am. A loser and a waste of oxygen. I’m sure having me as a mother has fucked up all my kids. I tried to do my best. I failed miserably. I don’t feel sorry for myself. It’s just a fact. I don’t think there is anything I have done right in my life. Damnit! I shouldn’t exist.