Today was a bad day. 5 days until Christmas. I have no money and my bank account is overdrawn $660. I understand now why people complete suicide due to money problems. I have no way to make money. I can ask my family if I can borrow money and they will say, “what again?” Or I know what they will think of me. I am a loser. I have done nothing but make bad decisions my entire life. I can’t focus enough to get a job. I can’t study to get my certifications. I can’t even post all of the things online I want to sell. I’m a walking disaster. Maybe August is too far away. I think it’s time for me to be gone from this world at the end of January.

People don’t really mean it when they say that crap, “my door is open anytime don’t kill yourself” It’s always after the fact. No one cares while you are still here. If you don’t have money you are nothing.

But if I am going to kill myself it doesn’t really matter anyway. So I’m going to get through the holiday somehow then keep trying new things.