I am tired of being poor, but I have no energy to be anything more. I sit here tonight looking at travel destinations. Wanting to go and never come back. Tonight my son was talking about Genies and wishes and I thought, the only thing I would wish for is money, because even though money can’t buy happiness it can buy freedom. And there is nothing else I need or long for in this life. I wouldn’t change a thing besides my health and being poor.
I sit here looking and longing to travel the world. Perhaps once my youngest son is grown I will have my chance. Perhaps if I regain my health and really focus over these next years I will find myself prosperous and alive.
I think that thought and then I think next August will be here quickly. What if I am still depressed and unhealthy? What if I am still stuck and follow through with My Suicide? My thoughts will change as soon as I am over feeling sick. I will keep fighting until next August. I am so sick now. Perhaps falling on the side of delirious. I need to start making money. I need to contact my doctor. I need to see her before the 19th. I need to get shit done. I need this EBV to go away and not come back! I want to be normal! I want to have normal energy! I want everything to stop being so hard to do! I couldn’t even cut my son’s food for him this evening. Ugh! I’m going to take a shower and go to bed.