I am sick. I am not lazy. All the times throughout my adult life where I have done things and been tired. All the times I haven’t enjoyed myself because I didn’t have the energy and I said to myself, “what’s wrong with you?” All the times I did stuff with the kids, but didn’t enjoy myself because I was exhausted. All the times I beat myself up because of it.
All those times I wasn’t crazy! I wasn’t lazy! I was sick! Knowing that helps so much and at the same time doesn’t help at all. The fear that I will never get better. The sadness that this virus never goes away. I can’t stop crying when I think about it. How much I have hated and blamed myself over the years. How mad I would get at myself for not having the energy to be a “normal” mom.
I hope how sick I am today is partly the virus die off from taking the new supplements. I have until August to figure this out. It has become quite a journey.