I understand

I understand why women leave their kids. I see it now. In the past whenever I would hear a story of a woman who left a man and left her kids behind I would wonder why, how could she leave her kids? Didn’t she have a heart? What kind of mother would abandon her child(ten)? But I understand it now. A child will love his father through the abuse. A child will learn to play the “don’t make daddy mad” game. A child will expect mommy to play too, and when she doesn’t, when she stands up for herself the child will blame mommy too. And sometimes mommy can’t take it anymore. She can’t handle being blamed for everything. Not just by her partner, but her children too. She can contemplate going her children and running, but he will fight it and the courts won’t generally understand. They will want to be fair. They will see the good side of him. Only she ever sees the real ugly abusive side, and she can’t prove it to anyone. So she runs. She leaves and starts new somewhere else. And not a day goes by that she doesn’t think about her children and hope that they are living well and happy. But she will never go back. Never back to the crazy making. The constant crying. The energy sucking abuse that destroyed her.

If she didn’t run it would only get worse. The money he spends and the nice things he does validate his behavior. Why can’t she just be nice and appreciate him? Why can’t she just behave the way he wants her to? Then everything would be perfect! He thinks. He spoils the children. Gives him all the things she can’t because he controls the money. They think he is daddy war bucks and she is just a lazy mom who doesn’t do enough for the family. They blame her for the problems in their lives because that is what daddy does so it must be right. It is an ugly evil game that man plays and there is no way for her to win. After years and years she is only a shell of a woman with no energy left to fight, for her children or herself, and she know the only way to survive is to run. So that is what she does. Knowing her family will look down on her. Knowing the world will shun her. She runs and she doesn’t look back, but only because she can’t. If she does the tears will flow and they will never stop. She runs to save her life. It is the only way.

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