What if I left him and my depression lessened? What if I was financially secure and I didn’t have to worry about him using my son as a pawn? What if I surrounded myself with people who love me and are like me? What if I wasn’t so angry because I knew I could be me? 

I know being bipolar isn’t controlled by whether or not you are in an abusive relationship, but I met my first ex at the age of 22. He was even more abusive than my current partner. I wasn’t allowed to wear a swimsuit at the pool. Everything I did differently from him was wrong. He told me he would torture me to the brink of death, revive me to health,