Perhaps the reason the rate of suicide is higher amongst people with bipolar disorder is due to the refusal of society to truly see and support the people who struggle with it.
Over the years, I have experienced myself and read many many similar experiences of others, who continuously lose friends and family. Even those who say they understand get mad and threaten to leave or do just up and leave because they blame you for your uncontrollable emotional outbursts and manic episodes.
Over time if you are constantly told it is your fault and how you have hurt people with your episodes. Or you are told you are an awful manipulative person. Or you see the hurt on others faces and you know they will never understand. And you know one day those people will say they have had enough and they will leave.
You know if you had cancer it wouldn’t be the same. You know you would be loved and supported through it all. So at some point you decide suicide is the right answer. And when you tell someone or even after you have made an attempt people say you are selfish, manipulative, and controlling! and the guilt eats away at you. You begin to believe what others say and imagine what they think. It is all negative.
You can’t fucking win! You are a horrible person because you cannot control your mental health! WTF??? What is wrong with our society??? Not to mention the people who say, “Damn, just get your shit together!” (their ignorance astounds me!)
Perhaps I am lazy and worthless and don’t deserve to be on this earth, but I’m here for now and no matter how many times I fuck up I am done believing I am less than anyone else!