358 Days

Very good documentary on bipolar disorder. Actually made me rethink my most recent ramblings. When these people speak of their feelings and experiences I feel like they could be me. Maybe I am a screw up and a failure, but I’m no less than anyone else. I just have to except I am not “normal”. I think leaving my job on decent terms will help me in being able to stay proactive. While writing I just realized my new found neck pain is most likely related to the lamictal I began taking yesterday. Just popped up out of the blue. I may have to just try weed to keep me sane for this next year. I can’t handle body aches and pains on top of what’s in my head. I am not doing well being here at work. My mind is all over the place and I want to run out of the building screaming! I wonder if there is any point to this blog. I have journaled in the past, year after year and nothing changed. But perhaps this time will be different. I have my man’s love and support this time. I have a home to call my own. The kids are older and more independent. And if it’s not different so fucking what! I have a year to do it all and the mistakes I make a long the way mean nothing! I think I will work on my “bucket list” today. 

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