I am not my credit score and other ramblings of my “crazy” mind


I am home now. I do not feel well at all. I took my Wellbutrin to combat the fatigue of my Seroquel. I do not think I can continue the regimen of western medications much longer. When I feel like this I think the depression is more tolerable than the side effects of the medication. Then i begin to think the medication is not for me, it is for my loved ones and society. Because very few people can tolerate a depressed person for the majority of their lives and society loses a productive worker bee. So I head down the road of -What if there is nothing wrong with me?- what if our society accepted those of us with mental health concerns? I do understand if someone is a threat to others safety, but aside from that, What if we just let people be? If everyone had a roof over their head and enough food to eat, what could our society be?

I am not my credit score. Such power a number has. It tells you and society what you are deemed worthy of in terms of purchasing power. It gives and takes away control. It allows people to feel good about themselves, “My score is 800, I can buy anything I want and I have a high limit credit card” and tells other people the are not deserving, “My credit score is 530. I can’t buy a house, my car payments are through the roof, and I had to lease my couch from a rental store.” If we are to fully embrace our capitalist consumer oriented society we must accept this as gospel.

And here I must stop as my eyes are struggling to stay open and my mind is shutting down. The Wellbutrin did not relieve me of my sleepiness and for the moment I must give in.

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