361 Days

Today, aside from being extremely exhausted, I am feeling wonderful! Everything at home has been good and knowing only this week left in my cubicle of hell makes it tolerable. I only had one episode st my desk where I felt the tears coming on (I think that’s a record). 

I do know this feeling won’t last, but while it does I am going to enjoy it. I have begun my list of the things I want to do in the next 360 days. I think they are reasonable. 

I am sitting at the park on my 1/2 hour of designated time away from my cubicle. I so badly just want to grab my things and never go back inside that building. I understand we need all kinds of people to fulfill all of the different jobs and I am thankful I am finally brave enough to acknowledge and accept the 9-5 life is not for me and there is nothing wrong with that. That has been very difficult for me to accept. I somehow thought once I had a “real” job I would be okay. I would have proven to the world I can do it. But this is not my world and these are not my people. It is quite freeing to finally accept that as truth. 

I have also decided to no longer attempt to deny my emotions. For the next year, when I am sad I will be fully sad, when I am happy I will let it fully engulf me. When I am angry I will let it Wash over me and discover the root cause of it. I will not be ashamed to be me, wildly flamboyantly me! And when I am afraid, I will acknowledge fears presence, push past it, and show it I am in charge! 

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